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I am not sure you wont to hear this my day and every day is

i wake up about 8am then i have a cigrette i supposed of given up. i tryed lots of stuff but now i only have two in the morning

I call my ex then make coffee and give dog his dental chew.i lay in bed for a bit till 10am. i get up earlier if i have appoinments.

i get up make another coffee then I feed dog his brecfast have my meds and asma pump then sit and watch tv morning tv. i call ex again then am out walking dog for about 45 to a hour.

i get back and then i watch morning tv. wail talking to ex and sometimes their is silence. just the tv on.

uselly my playstasion friends can be on at midday or sometimes not till 3pm.

i watch tv till my ex leaves at 2pm. he goes to see his neighbour spending time with her dog.

if my PlayStation people are on they usually leave at three and nothing to watch on tv.

so at half five i think about taking out dog giving him food and then he stares at me and i feel nerves about going out. i call ex at half five then take dog to by six.

then my nights spent lisning to how stupid i am on PlayStation.

i go to bath at 10pm and go to bed talking to my ex on the Alexa in bed.

I don’t get scared wail talking to them being scared is when I am alone.

we live but don’t learn to get these negative people out of are lives.

The stupid thing is I did two I order a disk but only had a digital player. I then ordered a printer I set it up and spent all night trying to pair it with app just to Google it and find out it’s not a WiFi printer. So return it. What’s the third thing it’s agreeing to have a cleaner for 15 pound an hour when I could get them cheeper. So just stupid me. We’re my head is at is comfuzed and a little scared.

I had good days it’s rained and been cold we got a nice day of sun on one day I desided to knit a bird I tonight got the body head beak and tail done going to bed now and got two wings to do. I am tired so will wait till morning. I had good chats and games on PlayStation and appointments all week which I was amazed I could get up early. I saw my son Tuesday and he was good. Just working lots. Had my birthday did nothing special. My sister came down with my niece and we got some knome statues for my garden at home bargains. I got a toad stool it’s big. So had a good few weeks.

It’s to the ones that are you and me and the world’s pleased you are in it. Xxxxx

I just had a nice day sat outside with a coffee and a crossword puzzle and relaxed wail the dog played. Was such a warm day but a cold breeze. Took dog for a walk and in the park their was a labrador the women said he was 10 months old he got over powering of zela and they almost had a brawl. The women put dog on the lead. Zela was able to run free of being jumped on. I got home and same old shit on PlayStation with the guys trying to make jokes but failing as they were not being funny. So an evening knitting or lining to crap on PlayStation. So the day was good and quiet. Might just leave the guys to their lam jokes and have a quiet night.

To be with the quiet company

Or the quiet company

That is the question?

Hi been a weired few days I was sent a pattern by my sister and she won’t me to knit a sweater for her but me all impulse ve I tryed to start the pattern and with woll I had the needles were to big the wool to small I just made a mess annoyed a knit group on line and had a sleepless night. I got some sleep night after and tonight I started a hexagon cardigan and then about to go to sleep got message of two men on ticktok so I am giving them benifit of the dough in not been scammers but it looks like they might be scammers. So it’s 2.49 am and I am wide awake again lol well hope you all get a better sleep.

I asked a chicken why it crossed the road it would not tell me so I grilled it

i ended 2025 with the death of my sisster which was a shame i will miss her dearly i had berevemment councilling as well. as i was back on the playstation with my friends were nothing had changed.

i was not talking to my ex and then i get a call gravys ill and has to be put to sleep . so i opened comunication to him again just so i could say good bye to my cat gravy so on the 4th of febuary she was put to sleep. it was a quiet thing two vets were there and she went fast. i was beside my self with tears and greief. they took her body away and was to cremate her. her sisster chips was not looking to bright i should say they were 16 years old with stage 3 liver disese. so a week later i suggested chips gets seen by vet but he refused he said i cant go through it with her too. the ashes came back two weeks later and chips was slowing down i said to him on the saterday i dont think she make the night he did not hear me so on sunday morning he rang to say she was under the bookshelf and shes dead. i had a cry i felt she was ready to go. here ashes came back two weeks later and their sitting on the shelf in my ex house. they will fly high and make misjife were they are. their is just racky left hes 19 years old but going really strong no slowing down yet.

till we meet again,

dear gravy and chips

you fly high

you fly tall

fly your freedom

love you always my girls.

like the song i have been up and down all the time depression can give you bad feelings and not laziness but just not wonting to do nothing.

I had a week wear i was so depressed and not wonting to do anything i watched nothing i just sat and thought nothing i just got in a rut.

i climbed out with help of mind and the sanctuary you can call at night and then i bathed and got cleaned up and took dog out then my head seemed to get better. it was like a curtain closed on my mind and said you don’t need to do anything and become lazy. it was not laziness it was depression and it hit me hard.

luckily i am out of that now. i got processioned by a 25 year old and told i was his dream women. made me fell a little scared and flattered. so i have been live streaming on Facebook and TikTok. I am not sure what i should be putting on TikTok but they seem to like it. especially when I put my dog on camera.

my ex got really nasty recently so limiting the time i talk with him. i have been allowed back in the PlayStation party but i think its a curse but craig calls himself my friend but he would stab me in back for weed. so all is just same again and my ex hating craig and craig annoying him.

thanks for being reading this

depresion hits hard it hits low and most of all it hits when you dont know its their.

chow chow

its been a wail i have news or not that depends how you look at it. i have been seeing my son and grandkids and it is almost chrismas and i got them loads of presents. i am trying to give up smoking again and i wheedled my cigarettes down to one a day and that very good i have been able to breath without being out of breath i just got a breath lio and i am using it instead of vaping. its just air were vaping was chemicals and was hurting my breathing i was in same breathlessness as i was smoking. it helped vaping but it was not to be long turn. i still talk to my ex for a hour each day but i am enjoying my quite time to get on and write. i have created a story on a train that is a murder mystery train which tunes in to a real murder. not finished yet i think its good but someone else might find it not. so my dog has been training and is getting more relaxed and some days he just sits in front of me staring at me to play with him. his toys. i got treat box that’s small enough for him to carry around and he just rolls it about to get the treats out and he always through it at me to fill up with treats its quite funny. we have been enjoying are walkers. well thank you for reading my blog.

i love to be loved

i hate to be hated

to be together is a wail

its a way to be happy work on it is a given.

bye bye see you with a update again bye.

i have not blogged in a wail i am doing great i have got my dog my sons coming to see me once a week. which is fab. went to birthday party with grankids and enjoyed it. so having a really good time. dogs getting betere from his bad stomach he had.

its cool to be loved and wonted.

just a short blog. write more again.