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Is their some force higher than you stopping the love that shall be denied. Its a force in the clouds and a force in the sea. I am in realty not. As in my thoughts so mad.

it was the day I was looking forward to. the day I get the job. getting up in the morning was so happy. I had a shower and then dressed brushed my teeth had my brecfast and out the door. I jumped the car and drove ten minutes to my new job. I was so pleased to work at the biscuit factory. as driving up you could smell the sweet aroma of the biscuits they were baking. I got out of the car and went to reception. a young lady filing her nails was their. i replayed hello miss I am here to start a new job as a secretary. it ok go straight through said the receptionist. I went through and up the stairs to a few offices a lady greeted and showed me to a desk and she said this will be your desk and you need to transcribe these files. so i got started transcribing the files on the computer. at the hours struck 6pm. I closed the computer put the files away and then said goodnight to the receptionist down stairs I replayed I am sure we will be good friends in time. Yet to meet others at the office it will be their in time. as I made it home I put on the TV and made tea and a cup of tea after I had my tea i headed for a bath and put my jammers on to rest and get a good night sleep. next day I was up at 6am having a brecfast and a shower by 8pm i headed out the door in my flat shoes. I got to the office in the standard uniform i was to wear and i sat copying and transcribing all day. I arched my back to release the tension in my kneck how I need a massage to my kneck. as I was reasting. at home,

doom doom doom the only way to rejoice is doom doom doom am now and always will be a person with no use no prospects.to scared to look forward to scared to look back just frozen in time.. I have no life as I sit on the mountain and look at the big drop. I see that I am worthy of the tree the grass and the ocean. could I be lost in the ocean could I be lost in the land. I am not to be lost as now am a soul that is here and is their and never near.

it were a time to go rejoice rejouiserejouise . it be the world at foot. of others are so nerverase are they. the people see me sweet. the people take my roll as of me. they try and try. as in I have been left alone and destitute. in the mites of thoughts who see that I have no happiness. only happiness they choose. I ach for the one I was shown. he not wanting to know now. passing the choose to others. as I sit on the beach reading my book, I fell slipping away from who I am shall I slip away for happiness. as happiness now has turned their back. I so low on life that I choose to sit and not think as when I think I just yearn for the one I see but cant touch. its a way to be and they evil sister derides to choose. I shall not fight I have none left. as now I am doomed to live my life this way. as a play along NO,

People see just beauty and what i see is the inner persons beauty

Got up with a headache drank too much vodka and then to liven up aberystwyth everyone should yell cewcew and conger down the beach in hour of sir Patrick Great poet and great captain of the ss enterprize. Missed but never forgotten 💔

Things are their to try us as hidease as I am i still have wrights to live in my English country as everyone else in England Wales and Scotland has

I left my husband and staying with my sister i got a place lined up to see. I am felling good but upset that my marriage failed. I am going along at a small pace. Finding out what I am going to do know find a career and then in to the future. I have learn a lot through my experience. Except I am still a stupid and now purple haired lady. My hair has grown long really long and thick just like me. Really in need of a hair cut. At the moment my sister calls it fluffy hair.. its all fizzed up. I take a walk along the sea front most days. My first job when I get my place. Make some nice cupcakes. So felling really positive about all this move. Not heard from my son yet but have seen my granddaughter. She is so cute. Very iteligant.and very steady on her feet for her age. Well I am off to listen to my music and then relax be jittery all day . It is a life its not a life thats what I would do or is it. To the future. With a vodka and apple juice.

as my old relaship has failed I find myself in limbo trying to over come the perils I have found myself in. I am trying to sort out my fiances and a place of my own. their is a few things to sort out. as I have to go through a divorce and it may get ugly. as before I had tried to sort out a life of working. I was always told I was not good enough I was stupid and ultimately everyone said your too ill to work. to find the right job is difficult. but getting to know the right people may work as I am shy and reserved that may be a job in its self. well everything takes time. I have to wait, hopefully I shall get their the great help I have had by my local police and my sister and her partner is worth a lot of gold. they have had a lot to do yet they took time to help me and I am great full beyond words for their help and understanding. as of my ex he is acting like a stalker I have to keep him on my side as I need my pets to be safe until I can have them with me again. I am working through a lot of changes. with time I will get my routes settled again.

in this place is the future. its worth trying to make a difference but in the end you have to do the best for yourself and love yourself as always.

I have cosen to do whats bestd for both partys in their stress. I have left my now ex and are going to start a new life without the control and restriction I was under. I have now been at my sisters for about just under a week their is a few things I have to sort through and then I and he can get on with a stressless future. I am sad it has happened but the way things were they could not of continued we were hurting each other more than we were loving each other. so I am just in limbo right now I am homless waiting on council to contact me about a place but it may take a bit of time. I will update my blog and apresiate the people who take time to read it/

their is a day their is a night but how you choose to be in that day and night.

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