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last night i just wonted to run away. i have been trying to get hold of family for ages my son and daughter in law have me blocked on facebook and the phone. the rest of my family say i call them too much and i only call the once that is to much they seem to take calls they dont anser as calls too. so i am woken by my sisster whos ignored me for weeks now ask me can i borrow some money. i told her well i have none either. because with the last of my money i bought a reclyner chair and got it dilivered for 30 pound. its a lovely chair. last night i needed to talk to my husband and he was too bisy playing his game. so i walked out the door said i will be on the street as i have nowere to go. i said i am sitting in their alone because your friend has muted me and you think its ok for him to treat me that way you say you care but you dont. i am just his maid when he needs coffe or food. so he comes of the playstation i was crying and he just shoutes at me. he just lazy fisacly and he does not wont to use his brain only to play his games he said to his friend sorry about this. i told him i wont him out he said i will be dead before i leave this house. i should realy not be so stupid when i am talking to a lazy cunt who thinks it funny to lie about me and then deney hes said anything. ow and he drank 8 pints of milk since saterday and thats my fault hes ran out of milk.

last year a few months before my mum passed away. it was difficalt my husband was grieving for his father in law and we found out that his dad had dimentiar the rare type. and my days were i used to be asleep earlie and then at 4am in the morning my husband came in and starteled me awake shouting and calling me names and said i had to get out of bed so he could put the pillows and the sheet straight on his side. so grogerly i would get out of bed let him sort out the sheet and i would get back in to bed.i woke up again to the alarm at 8am and i got dressed and had to go up to my sissters and take the kids to school. i really liked chatting with them. after droping the little one at nursery i would go to do shopping two 6 pints of milk bread and crisps . i got home and then i would make coffee and toast and get a load of abbuse of my husband. i then walked back to the school picked up my neice at around half eleven and then i would walk her up the hill to her mum. i walked home and when i got n he would be angry were have you been. i told him he shout then he would go back to sleep. i got a coffee and some toast for me to eat. i went back up to fetch my nephew from school and take him home. i get back home and my husband would be on the playstation. i had one so i made tea he was only eating chicargo town pizza at the time. we had a nice evening chatting with friends by about ten o clock i would fall asleep. this whent on for a few week but every other day i did not need to go to the shop. then the little one started full time nursery. which was better than walking up that hill three times a day it did not fell like it at the time but afterweards the exercise really did fell good. spending time with my niece and nephew was great they were so funny. my husband did not like it as i was sleeping and had not too much time to spend with him. now he has got upsesed with keeping the door and windows shut at night to keep out the moths and flys. i said well if ou had a shower they would not bother you. but again he wont hear reason he can only hear himselfe when hes angry. so now because of my husband my sisster wont talk to me uness its getting some things from the shop for her and my husband gets angry at all the money i spent on a few taxis when i had no energy to walk up the hill.

i lost my mum in january she had been ill for three years with bowl cancer and my husband has been having a brakedown. in my upset of trying to deal with my emotions i found altspace on the vr. verual realty. i had great support from people on their because they would hear my husband yelling at me and would go on to altspace and found singing in a world they have their made me fell a little better. then their was a activety called creative writing. i did like writghting i was trying to wright a fictunal book. i was nerves when i started to join the class i was only useing a samsung gear and it only allowed half hour before it over heated but i enjoyed the half classes. my husband got me a laptop to join altspace for longer and then he got me a oculas go. it last a hour. then when i lost my mum and a few months before i lost my mum my husband had lost his step dad. so we were all greaving and all emotions these last 7 months have been worse on my husband. i have had to look after y husband deal with my emotiones and try to deal with helping my family and my sisster with my little neice and nephew. my niece and nephew and caffine and choclate have keep me going and then the three cats and the three that come to visit. their has been downs and with my cats and my nephew and niece its been ups to. i have lost loads of weight but i do need to lose more. i have not done a lot of wrighting reasatly but slowely i will get time to get back to finishing my book. as well as knitting the scarves for winter and croched the teddys for chrismas. things can only start looking up for now they cant get any worse than they have been.

i have a garden and it full of weeds and stingin neckals well i get little berrys that the birds enjoy eating from the stinging nettles bush. i have sheares but no gloves. how long would it take to cut at it. i said to my husband we could do it we have nothing to rush around for. he is still annoyed about what happened last night on the playstation he was up all night lisning to loud music. he came to bed at 5am and when i woke at 12am this afternoon he sleept till half two. and hes still angry. i wont a nice garden but i have zero money and i am lazy and dont know were to start. any ideas? i did my zen meditation but i still have a nagging headach. well i think i should take some asprin relax and then start cuting at the bush with my shears later when its cooled down a bit. whats the rush. i dont need to rush around for nothing at all. problem is if i could click my fingers and get it done ina instante i would be the happyest person on the planet. why ow why does it take so long to get things done. why is it i do nothing yet i fell as if i have run a marthan several times over without moving. cant seem to get to the reason why that is. does anyone know?

extremly hot day. i woke at 12am and when i opened the door. the heat hit me. i had a shower and ppppppput my swimming costume on with a nice blue skirt and my nice new open toe shoes and a blue hairband in my hair. i called a taxi to take me to the shop. my cat gravy meawed at me she wonts the pool pumped up again she likes sitting next to it. keeps her cool. i went to the shop had to get cat food and washing powder to clean the clothes and i got harpic to freshen the toilet. as it was so hot i picked up sunscreen facter 50. i was waiting with my shopping for my taxi and their was a lady sitting on the bench with three dogs little ones. i said it must be hard keeping the dogs cool in this weather. she replayed yes we went dont the river so they had a paddle. then her friend came out of the shop and they said goodbye. i waited about 2 minutes and my taxi arrived. i got home put the shopping away turned on all fans in every room and gave my husband his milkshake i got him. so i got the extension for the electric pump and pumped the pool back up. i sat down as its too hot to be going back and for with buckets of water. i cant use my hose as the tap has not enough pressure in it. so i pumped up the pool but its emty. my husband does not wont me to have the pool so he wont help and he said his back is hurting him. its too hot to do anything i shall have some sausage rolls and maybe fill the pool when it gets cool later ready for tomorrow nowing my luck it will rain tomorroow lol haha.

awww my head its so painfull i had to get this bloged. i have all night not been on the playstation i was finishing knitting a scarf and i did find on facebook a new way of making teddy bears. useing old socks it really look good to try. then my husband comes in shouting frietened the cat that was laying at my feet. he was blaming me because the person on playstation that took a joke the wrong way and had a go at me tld me i was a spaz and i should get a life. they blocked my husband playing the game and kept kicking him from the game and the people he had been playing with who he thought were his friends ditched him. so now he said hes ditching the playstasion because of this person. i had reported her twice. it is a little silly to take one thing so badly. but i guess we had are first trolls. not sure what to do about it? i have a headach i just cant really think right now. i shall let you now what happens tomorrow. night all xxxx

hi peeps i have been in to town. i went to the shoe shop and i bought some flip flops for around the house and i got shoes that i would not usely buy and their suprisingly comftable i got open toes shoes but they were cheap and i can wear them with a nice skirt down the beach. i also got a pair of pumps. i got my husband his crisps he likes and then i sat on the bench by the bus stop. they are doing a bus with a open top to tour the town. i was at the bench and i facetimed my husband he was iin a tizz because he emtyd the bin and he said he had broken the bin lid. he was so upset. he said i need you home. i said that i was going to go on he free bus. he said i need you home the cats are wonting food and jac is dancing round my feet its annoying. i said just make yourself a sandwich and a drink i shall be home soon. so i needed a drink and the bakery was across the road i poped in got two ribena cartens and i got six finger buns. i went back to the bench and waited for the taxi. when the taxi came i got home and my husband had loud music on the tv and i sorted the bin it had just pop of the hinge i clicked it back in and ushered the cats out and talked to my husband gave him his crisps and he lowered the volume and i just chatted made a joke and now hes on his playstation. i tryed to say its a nice dy we should take a picnic and take some drinks and crisps from the fridge make a ham rolls in a box and go relax at the beach for a hour. he said no i cant not ready to go that far that quick. hes not left the house in two yearshe scared to go out he tryes to take a walk every oother day but when you have no reason to leave the house why should you if your comftable at home and have everything you need indoors xxxx

i woke up this morning my cat was sitting on my chest meawing for his brecfast. my husbands fast asleep he has had thefan on allnight. cats had their brecfast i had my coffee and my alpen bar choclate orange so nice. heard of noone. i spook to my sisster last night she said dont phone me till monday she was going away to watch her bike thing she likes. i have bins to sort out and nothing much else to do. myhusband wont get up till around 2pm its 11.46 now chips my other cat went to sit in the front garden. i left the door open as she the fat cat and finds it difficalt to jump in the window. as soon as my husband wakes up he will yell to shut the door. he has diabetes as well as a hundred diffrent things and he always says he has to keep warm a little bit of cold and hes in danger of getting nemonie. he always shouts i have diabetes i cant get cold. haha yeah grumpy. just sitting watching thismorning. its so quiet outside the odd car and person going past. well i vey boaring morning to some. i am enjoying the relaxasion as it will be noise later.

its 2.49 am and its friday 23 of augest i live with mental health issues my husband lives with mental health issues and days are up and down i have been in the mental health as a patient since 2000. their i have been turbulant and downs and my husband took care of me the best he was able. everyone has their failings and now for the last two or three years i lost track i have been trying to care and look after my husband. he has not been wright at all and its getting worse he finds change difficalt and their has been a lot of big chages as well as small and he has not liked them. i dont like them but i now their was nothing that could be done to change it. my husband is a self harmer and he is very upset he fells the worlds ending. he is just existing not living. we all try but he sees it as nagging or having a go at him and he just wonts to be left alone to do things he wonts to do. we all leave him alone to do what he wonts and he always has something to go mad about. if its not fresh arguments he will pick up old arguments that had been sorted out. in his sichoctic tme of worrying about things he has scares on his head he picks at to make wore. he is attension seeking he just needs someone to talk too. his heart is so invested in helping everyone. he gets so hurt when he fels that hes not incontrol. he cant see the people who are stamping all over him. and the people who are just trying to look after him. he prefers to help and not to be helped. his health his sensitive feelings hurt the person he loves the most. we all have the mad screaming side but also the counceler sensable. tapping in to the sensable side would be better but emotions and felling do get away with things. i shall wright a daily acount of are things we do. night xxxxx

can it get anyworse at all. i have over the last two weeks first i was going sick ever night then had the doctor out and he gave me injection it stoped then a few days later i had a day of diare ever half hour i was on the toilet and it stoped at 4am the next morning and then i was felling my skin on fire . then i made a joke one joke and they took it the wrong way. my advice dont make silly jokes till you get to now someone not worth the hassle. i learned it the hard way. then i sent a load of choclates to my daughter in law only to find out shes on a diet that went really down well. i am on a roll this week all i got to do now is upset my sissters and i will have a hole in one. looking on the bright side i am felling a little less sick and needing to rush to the bathroom. so shall we see who we can upset tomorrow. without wonting to. my cat seems to be eating better she was felling unwell but she looking better now. i got a load of cleaning to do but that never stops. i gave up on cleaning the cat hair in the corners it really got me depressed for a wail i was pulling my hair out i would clean it next day it was like i had done nothing i had enough i let the place get messey. if my husband was not willing to put his rubbish in the bin well why should i do it for him i am not his mum yet he has tamtremes with me and makes me fell like i got to act like his mum. alittle confusing and turnes me off sometimes. i cry most nights and tonight i am too angry and amezed to cry and as people reading this have relized i am bad at spelling dont tell my husband that he thinks i am ace at it shhhhhhhh haha. i dont make plans as i dont know when i am able to get up or what going to happen i wing it day by day and find out who can i upset today hahaha. noone cares if i get upset i curl up in a corner and cry noone sees me no cuddles nothing but when i cry i dont wont cuddles i fell like if some one cuddled me i would break apart. its so painfull to cry more painfull than a broken leg. you have to ride it out and rest have a sleep and your skin will look better and you wake up with a smile and say today i am going to smile i am going to have a lazy day i am going to veg out infront of the tv computer or tablet and i am going to just watch a move and talk to my nearer and dear your best mate. if you fell you have noone talk to. talk to the air talk to the trees. or the squirrel on the tree . reason with yourself i can change my way i dont need to be someone i hate i can be a person i would love and go out and be loved. xxxxx