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my new day

i have not blogged in a wail I have not been writing much. I am still talking to my ex I tried blocking him but he always phoned me on my phone private message and he could control my Alexa because he now’s my password. Tonight I told him I am talking to my boyfriend and he got angry and I turned of my Alexa. I meet someone who is kind and I am scared of him as all he wonts is sex. He tells me I can touch him when I wont I am not used to that. So he scares me because my ex made me fell as though everyone out there is dangerous. My head is saying to give it a try but how can I with my ex over my shoulder all the time. My PlayStation friends have been up and down blocking me and then talking to me. I think they are two faced but I am trying to ignore them. I am trying diamond craft. I have not had time to start it yet. I do have a lot of knitting and crocheting things on the go, my support wonts me to go out more.. the reason I don’t is I can’t afford to go to cafes anymore. I lost my pip and its been difficult as I had to turn of sky and its a change to watch freeview. I have my firestick and watch Netflix and Disney as well as prime. Which is loads.

my dogs got better behaved, he comes back when called now we worked hard on it.

So wail its 11 pm and I am of to bed ow I forgot I have been ticktocking and doing live video but the men think I am dating I tell them I am not, they don’t listen.

i fell like i am happy with just enjoying my own company with my dog.

A pet is precious and it’s the half the lifetime we have them loving a pet is precious and its a short time we have them so spend all your time with your pet their life is short.

I grilled a chicken it still did not tell me how it crossed the road.

Night all

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brave enough to continue

hi all not posted in a wail as i was blocking my ex from talking to me he wangled him self in again saying i would be better off siting their listen to him talking to his mum and playing loud whooshing sounds occasionally glassing towards the camera were I am.

my friends on my playstation are also friends of his. but they choose to stay with me. just today he phoned to tell me to unblock him on PlayStation i said no he made out a big deal about a sick cat he has and then i was their with a tear in my eye. as the people on PlayStation telling me i should not of answered the call and he phones on a withheld number and it could be my housing. i have heard nothing more from him. it hurt me he made me fell as if i could not function in my own house without him on video with me. well i spent the morning felling a bit weird not waking up to calling him but i did it and found my neighbours talking to me more i was not left all morning alone. i had the people saying hello wail i walked dog and i sat in garden talking to my neighbours and then i had a good day in the afternoon talking to friend also i went to pick up dogs flee medication to stop him getting flees and then i spoke to a nice lady their.

are second walk was just walking no of lead this afternoon as their were people with food around the park and he loves food that too much.

so now its 9pm i am going to rest and hope for a good day tomorrow.

hoping to get up earlie and not go back to bed till 11am again waisted most of my day.

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since my last post

since my last post i really took my own words and thought about it. i have been in a deep depression feeling dirty and letting my house get really dirty so i was hit with a cleaning bug and started cleaning you should of seen the year of dust under my mat alone. i am not finished but because i almost fell if it was not for a box placed in the right place i could of hurt myself. lucky enough i did not someone’s looking over me. well carmines came over me and no matter how my back hurt i needed to clean it was like having the beach sand with the dust i picked up. i felt as though i was good and not feeling dirty just took me a year and a half to get out of my deep depression. from feeling dirty and low and i was not thinking of myself very high. i wroght that poam and it really made me fell carm and controled of my life. i suggest any one look at my last post. it can help. so thinking i fell good now my floor clean and my things sorted but more tomorrow. i shall clean the bedroom and put a cover on my quilt for a wail in a long time.

to fell that sharp felling of carm and relizesion

to be feeling not dirty.

is a way of being happy.

going on as i need to go on.

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everythings gone to shit

i tried charging my phone all different wires some work for a wail others don’t now no wires work had to use crappy emergency phone and found out it needs a new battery but its old as the hills. its a z flip 3. i cant afford a new phone. I got two new things for my charismas i got another PlayStation as the guys are talking to me again and I got a air fryer I cooked cheese toasty in it and bacon i did a nice fish and chips in it too. but all needs to be cleaned and my drain on my sink is blocked for some reason. so my mental heaths been up and down i had a vodka and coke the other day and i did go for a second but i ended up putting it down sink maybe that help the blockage lol ha. but really i was walking dog not going to my volunteer job and not feeling like much charismas is coming and i will have no presents no decorations and no tree and no visitors. so not much to look forward too. i sent presents to my family but i don’t think they even care. they don’t answer phone for a two minute conversation. i have no hope of seeing them anytime soon it would make me so happy but not a chance of seeing them. so i had a bad back and had no one to walk dog so my back is getting worse. sorry all doom and moaning with me. i used to love chrismas but not anymore. meal for one it is.

its too be expected, the blue, blue, chrismas.

all alone and everyone a gly.

kids screaming santa,i see you.

thouse days of chrismas far behind me.

new familys starting the old tradition all too true.