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My First Blog Post
Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
lots have happened this three months
i ended 2025 with the death of my sisster which was a shame i will miss her dearly i had berevemment councilling as well. as i was back on the playstation with my friends were nothing had changed.
i was not talking to my ex and then i get a call gravys ill and has to be put to sleep . so i opened comunication to him again just so i could say good bye to my cat gravy so on the 4th of febuary she was put to sleep. it was a quiet thing two vets were there and she went fast. i was beside my self with tears and greief. they took her body away and was to cremate her. her sisster chips was not looking to bright i should say they were 16 years old with stage 3 liver disese. so a week later i suggested chips gets seen by vet but he refused he said i cant go through it with her too. the ashes came back two weeks later and chips was slowing down i said to him on the saterday i dont think she make the night he did not hear me so on sunday morning he rang to say she was under the bookshelf and shes dead. i had a cry i felt she was ready to go. here ashes came back two weeks later and their sitting on the shelf in my ex house. they will fly high and make misjife were they are. their is just racky left hes 19 years old but going really strong no slowing down yet.
till we meet again,
dear gravy and chips
you fly high
you fly tall
fly your freedom
love you always my girls.
since i have been gone
like the song i have been up and down all the time depression can give you bad feelings and not laziness but just not wonting to do nothing.
I had a week wear i was so depressed and not wonting to do anything i watched nothing i just sat and thought nothing i just got in a rut.
i climbed out with help of mind and the sanctuary you can call at night and then i bathed and got cleaned up and took dog out then my head seemed to get better. it was like a curtain closed on my mind and said you don’t need to do anything and become lazy. it was not laziness it was depression and it hit me hard.
luckily i am out of that now. i got processioned by a 25 year old and told i was his dream women. made me fell a little scared and flattered. so i have been live streaming on Facebook and TikTok. I am not sure what i should be putting on TikTok but they seem to like it. especially when I put my dog on camera.
my ex got really nasty recently so limiting the time i talk with him. i have been allowed back in the PlayStation party but i think its a curse but craig calls himself my friend but he would stab me in back for weed. so all is just same again and my ex hating craig and craig annoying him.
thanks for being reading this
depresion hits hard it hits low and most of all it hits when you dont know its their.
chow chow
been a wail
its been a wail i have news or not that depends how you look at it. i have been seeing my son and grandkids and it is almost chrismas and i got them loads of presents. i am trying to give up smoking again and i wheedled my cigarettes down to one a day and that very good i have been able to breath without being out of breath i just got a breath lio and i am using it instead of vaping. its just air were vaping was chemicals and was hurting my breathing i was in same breathlessness as i was smoking. it helped vaping but it was not to be long turn. i still talk to my ex for a hour each day but i am enjoying my quite time to get on and write. i have created a story on a train that is a murder mystery train which tunes in to a real murder. not finished yet i think its good but someone else might find it not. so my dog has been training and is getting more relaxed and some days he just sits in front of me staring at me to play with him. his toys. i got treat box that’s small enough for him to carry around and he just rolls it about to get the treats out and he always through it at me to fill up with treats its quite funny. we have been enjoying are walkers. well thank you for reading my blog.
i love to be loved
i hate to be hated
to be together is a wail
its a way to be happy work on it is a given.
bye bye see you with a update again bye.
doing good
i have not blogged in a wail i am doing great i have got my dog my sons coming to see me once a week. which is fab. went to birthday party with grankids and enjoyed it. so having a really good time. dogs getting betere from his bad stomach he had.
its cool to be loved and wonted.
just a short blog. write more again.
my new day
i have not blogged in a wail I have not been writing much. I am still talking to my ex I tried blocking him but he always phoned me on my phone private message and he could control my Alexa because he now’s my password. Tonight I told him I am talking to my boyfriend and he got angry and I turned of my Alexa. I meet someone who is kind and I am scared of him as all he wonts is sex. He tells me I can touch him when I wont I am not used to that. So he scares me because my ex made me fell as though everyone out there is dangerous. My head is saying to give it a try but how can I with my ex over my shoulder all the time. My PlayStation friends have been up and down blocking me and then talking to me. I think they are two faced but I am trying to ignore them. I am trying diamond craft. I have not had time to start it yet. I do have a lot of knitting and crocheting things on the go, my support wonts me to go out more.. the reason I don’t is I can’t afford to go to cafes anymore. I lost my pip and its been difficult as I had to turn of sky and its a change to watch freeview. I have my firestick and watch Netflix and Disney as well as prime. Which is loads.
my dogs got better behaved, he comes back when called now we worked hard on it.
So wail its 11 pm and I am of to bed ow I forgot I have been ticktocking and doing live video but the men think I am dating I tell them I am not, they don’t listen.
i fell like i am happy with just enjoying my own company with my dog.
A pet is precious and it’s the half the lifetime we have them loving a pet is precious and its a short time we have them so spend all your time with your pet their life is short.
I grilled a chicken it still did not tell me how it crossed the road.
Night all
brave enough to continue
hi all not posted in a wail as i was blocking my ex from talking to me he wangled him self in again saying i would be better off siting their listen to him talking to his mum and playing loud whooshing sounds occasionally glassing towards the camera were I am.
my friends on my playstation are also friends of his. but they choose to stay with me. just today he phoned to tell me to unblock him on PlayStation i said no he made out a big deal about a sick cat he has and then i was their with a tear in my eye. as the people on PlayStation telling me i should not of answered the call and he phones on a withheld number and it could be my housing. i have heard nothing more from him. it hurt me he made me fell as if i could not function in my own house without him on video with me. well i spent the morning felling a bit weird not waking up to calling him but i did it and found my neighbours talking to me more i was not left all morning alone. i had the people saying hello wail i walked dog and i sat in garden talking to my neighbours and then i had a good day in the afternoon talking to friend also i went to pick up dogs flee medication to stop him getting flees and then i spoke to a nice lady their.
are second walk was just walking no of lead this afternoon as their were people with food around the park and he loves food that too much.
so now its 9pm i am going to rest and hope for a good day tomorrow.
hoping to get up earlie and not go back to bed till 11am again waisted most of my day.
since my last post
since my last post i really took my own words and thought about it. i have been in a deep depression feeling dirty and letting my house get really dirty so i was hit with a cleaning bug and started cleaning you should of seen the year of dust under my mat alone. i am not finished but because i almost fell if it was not for a box placed in the right place i could of hurt myself. lucky enough i did not someone’s looking over me. well carmines came over me and no matter how my back hurt i needed to clean it was like having the beach sand with the dust i picked up. i felt as though i was good and not feeling dirty just took me a year and a half to get out of my deep depression. from feeling dirty and low and i was not thinking of myself very high. i wroght that poam and it really made me fell carm and controled of my life. i suggest any one look at my last post. it can help. so thinking i fell good now my floor clean and my things sorted but more tomorrow. i shall clean the bedroom and put a cover on my quilt for a wail in a long time.
to fell that sharp felling of carm and relizesion
to be feeling not dirty.
is a way of being happy.
going on as i need to go on.
everythings gone to shit
i tried charging my phone all different wires some work for a wail others don’t now no wires work had to use crappy emergency phone and found out it needs a new battery but its old as the hills. its a z flip 3. i cant afford a new phone. I got two new things for my charismas i got another PlayStation as the guys are talking to me again and I got a air fryer I cooked cheese toasty in it and bacon i did a nice fish and chips in it too. but all needs to be cleaned and my drain on my sink is blocked for some reason. so my mental heaths been up and down i had a vodka and coke the other day and i did go for a second but i ended up putting it down sink maybe that help the blockage lol ha. but really i was walking dog not going to my volunteer job and not feeling like much charismas is coming and i will have no presents no decorations and no tree and no visitors. so not much to look forward too. i sent presents to my family but i don’t think they even care. they don’t answer phone for a two minute conversation. i have no hope of seeing them anytime soon it would make me so happy but not a chance of seeing them. so i had a bad back and had no one to walk dog so my back is getting worse. sorry all doom and moaning with me. i used to love chrismas but not anymore. meal for one it is.
its too be expected, the blue, blue, chrismas.
all alone and everyone a gly.
kids screaming santa,i see you.
thouse days of chrismas far behind me.
new familys starting the old tradition all too true.
not doing good
my mental health is suffering i just got call from debt people then my computer decided to wipe itself. i am skint 0 balance with other bills unpayed. i am expecting a nice cheque from British gas but waited three months and no sign of it turning up. yet they send me letters to my bill statement yet it takes 10 days to send cheque so pissed of it would really help me right now. my mental health i fell tired and dont wont to go out. which i have to to ke dog as have no one else to do it.
i am down but you cant keep me down.
new start
i start a volunteering role tomorrow in Oxfam. I am a little aperitive about it but I should enjoy it.
tomorrow never told but today is always their.
llinos""s blogg 