Author: Crazycatlady

i have just got lazy. in my thoughs i just had no energy to think of any writing. i have done nothing. i should be happy that noone wonts anything from me. then i worry why dont anyone wont anything from me. my phone is silent noone calls. i speak my mind and then i am discumkated from everyone. my husband turned to me and said i think i am a loner. i said to him well ok but you cant go a day without speaking to anyone and getting parnoia thoughts of doom doom. ha. i on the other hand have no choice as when i try to speak to someone i just get silence. i do like silence with my own thought. i am pleased to be breathing and pleased that their are nature and trees. i apresiate the effert it takes to pump blood round my veins. i have a life alone and i need to make the most of what is around us. life does not need to be that hard. you get up and breath.

it been a bad thursday but we got to friday and i think from the blow out on thursday i got my point across. on thursday we were playing playstation till 6 am and i asked my husband about people who were in a chat party and he went mad so i told him i wonted him out and i had enough of his anger and dis respect. i got so upset that i called the samaritons and a nice person on the phone sat and lisened to my probles and i was talking for some time. so i had my coffee and then i cryed all day. my husband sleept till 4pm and i just could not stop crying. i managed to stop crying at about 8pm and that evening i just sleept all evening my husband came to bed at 3am and we did not wake till 2pm today. my husband wake in a nice mood i went and got shopping and got back he playing on the playstasion with his mates and he came of to make me a coffee. jac was laying on the bed with me last night and following me were ever i went. so when i got back with some cat food and treats me and the cat had a dance in the kitchen haha. very humid day today and a little dark.

last night everything was carm. i went to a medation class on my vr but i was in 2d on my laptop. i set up my self alittle corner were i could write and play my games. my farming sim is looking great. i am chilled and my area is tidy. a good night sleep and i am watching michael mclntyres comedy on catch up and so far felling very good. that will hopefully not change. but when i fell this relaxed and good their always got to be something to upset me later. (hope not) ha. i got my milk in from the milk man i had 7 bottles of milk their was supposed to be 8. but i dont know weather it was stolen or the milk man just left 7. looks like i my have to get the security cam out again. so my husband started helping last night and working together and getting things nice was so nice i dont know how long it will last but i shall enjoy it as i have it. ow yes the good life on catch up. thouse were the days. haha. i fell so old now. i used to be the young person just getting my son to school and tidying the house. now i fell like i am out of sink with everything and some times i wish their was what we have now when i was young. so my plan is to make monster weired teddys. i am going to crochet something with out a pattern and see how it turns out. cant wait shall most likely be a complet mess. at least it will fill emty time though. haha. well had a quick visit from my family aparently i am a drive though baccy dispence ow well haha. so i shall see what today brings. to all have a good night a good day and good morning. ha xxxx

i walked down to my local supermarket. i got bread milk bread rolls and salt and washing up liquied. i tryed phoning my husband to put money in the bank to get a taxi but he was so groggey he did not understand what i was trying to say. then i sat on the bench and this homeless old man sat down next to me he may of smelled but i have not much sence of smell because i brobebly stunk more than he did. his coat was very dirty. i wonted to give him one of the bread rolls but on the news it said you cant give anyone homeless anymoney or anything. my neigbour was at the shop and her dog was just having a fuss from the man. i got my shopping bag and walked home. i put the shopping away and i asked my husband you now we do have the time a resorces to help that old man. he said last time i helped a homeless person he new he lied to me and corsed a lot of grief. i would like to help the old man but was told that i should just report it to homeless selter. their closed its a bank holiday.

last night i just wonted to run away. i have been trying to get hold of family for ages my son and daughter in law have me blocked on facebook and the phone. the rest of my family say i call them too much and i only call the once that is to much they seem to take calls they dont anser as calls too. so i am woken by my sisster whos ignored me for weeks now ask me can i borrow some money. i told her well i have none either. because with the last of my money i bought a reclyner chair and got it dilivered for 30 pound. its a lovely chair. last night i needed to talk to my husband and he was too bisy playing his game. so i walked out the door said i will be on the street as i have nowere to go. i said i am sitting in their alone because your friend has muted me and you think its ok for him to treat me that way you say you care but you dont. i am just his maid when he needs coffe or food. so he comes of the playstation i was crying and he just shoutes at me. he just lazy fisacly and he does not wont to use his brain only to play his games he said to his friend sorry about this. i told him i wont him out he said i will be dead before i leave this house. i should realy not be so stupid when i am talking to a lazy cunt who thinks it funny to lie about me and then deney hes said anything. ow and he drank 8 pints of milk since saterday and thats my fault hes ran out of milk.

last year a few months before my mum passed away. it was difficalt my husband was grieving for his father in law and we found out that his dad had dimentiar the rare type. and my days were i used to be asleep earlie and then at 4am in the morning my husband came in and starteled me awake shouting and calling me names and said i had to get out of bed so he could put the pillows and the sheet straight on his side. so grogerly i would get out of bed let him sort out the sheet and i would get back in to bed.i woke up again to the alarm at 8am and i got dressed and had to go up to my sissters and take the kids to school. i really liked chatting with them. after droping the little one at nursery i would go to do shopping two 6 pints of milk bread and crisps . i got home and then i would make coffee and toast and get a load of abbuse of my husband. i then walked back to the school picked up my neice at around half eleven and then i would walk her up the hill to her mum. i walked home and when i got n he would be angry were have you been. i told him he shout then he would go back to sleep. i got a coffee and some toast for me to eat. i went back up to fetch my nephew from school and take him home. i get back home and my husband would be on the playstation. i had one so i made tea he was only eating chicargo town pizza at the time. we had a nice evening chatting with friends by about ten o clock i would fall asleep. this whent on for a few week but every other day i did not need to go to the shop. then the little one started full time nursery. which was better than walking up that hill three times a day it did not fell like it at the time but afterweards the exercise really did fell good. spending time with my niece and nephew was great they were so funny. my husband did not like it as i was sleeping and had not too much time to spend with him. now he has got upsesed with keeping the door and windows shut at night to keep out the moths and flys. i said well if ou had a shower they would not bother you. but again he wont hear reason he can only hear himselfe when hes angry. so now because of my husband my sisster wont talk to me uness its getting some things from the shop for her and my husband gets angry at all the money i spent on a few taxis when i had no energy to walk up the hill.

i lost my mum in january she had been ill for three years with bowl cancer and my husband has been having a brakedown. in my upset of trying to deal with my emotions i found altspace on the vr. verual realty. i had great support from people on their because they would hear my husband yelling at me and would go on to altspace and found singing in a world they have their made me fell a little better. then their was a activety called creative writing. i did like writghting i was trying to wright a fictunal book. i was nerves when i started to join the class i was only useing a samsung gear and it only allowed half hour before it over heated but i enjoyed the half classes. my husband got me a laptop to join altspace for longer and then he got me a oculas go. it last a hour. then when i lost my mum and a few months before i lost my mum my husband had lost his step dad. so we were all greaving and all emotions these last 7 months have been worse on my husband. i have had to look after y husband deal with my emotiones and try to deal with helping my family and my sisster with my little neice and nephew. my niece and nephew and caffine and choclate have keep me going and then the three cats and the three that come to visit. their has been downs and with my cats and my nephew and niece its been ups to. i have lost loads of weight but i do need to lose more. i have not done a lot of wrighting reasatly but slowely i will get time to get back to finishing my book. as well as knitting the scarves for winter and croched the teddys for chrismas. things can only start looking up for now they cant get any worse than they have been.

i have a garden and it full of weeds and stingin neckals well i get little berrys that the birds enjoy eating from the stinging nettles bush. i have sheares but no gloves. how long would it take to cut at it. i said to my husband we could do it we have nothing to rush around for. he is still annoyed about what happened last night on the playstation he was up all night lisning to loud music. he came to bed at 5am and when i woke at 12am this afternoon he sleept till half two. and hes still angry. i wont a nice garden but i have zero money and i am lazy and dont know were to start. any ideas? i did my zen meditation but i still have a nagging headach. well i think i should take some asprin relax and then start cuting at the bush with my shears later when its cooled down a bit. whats the rush. i dont need to rush around for nothing at all. problem is if i could click my fingers and get it done ina instante i would be the happyest person on the planet. why ow why does it take so long to get things done. why is it i do nothing yet i fell as if i have run a marthan several times over without moving. cant seem to get to the reason why that is. does anyone know?